What Did I Learn Throughout My Pregnancy, Labor & Delivery?

 

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April 27, 2018, the day I found out I was carrying a life. (little did I know she would be carrying ours)

A letter of appreciation towards Apple notes app for always being ready to receive whatever jibberish I try to process to make my life more enjoyable.

I wrote these for me personally but decided to share it as I hope it will help someone, anyone out there … sending you all love and prayers.

Laila

Things I learned throughout my pregnancy:

  • There is no our plan, my plan, birth plan there’s only one plan which is God’s plan, so just relax and trust that he knows wayyyy more than you do.
  • I am in no control, I do not even will this baby’s growth, it is in the essence of the universe to push everything to grow, from a seed to a tree … from a tiny tiny cell to the “Big Bang” of the universe that is my baby ❤️
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Our first appointment we heard her heartbeat for the first time (sorry for the resolution)
  • I am going through a metamorphosis, a caterpillar into this black box of a cocoon, I come out a butterfly,,, why hold on to the caterpillar when there is no point of keeping her there, I let go of pre-pregnancy me and step into the new me ❤️ 
  • Going through pregnancy and birthing a baby is divinely special, no matter how common it is around the world,,, scarcity/rarity is not synonymous with “marvel”, a beautiful flower is still a beautiful flower even if there are fields of it 
  • “Career” opportunities and “Golden” opportunities are surrounding us,, they will not vanish with time. الله واسع
  • It’s ok to have negative emotions, it’s part of my humanity, I don’t need to fix it or solve it,, I’ll ride the wave and reach the shore when it’s time 
  • I accept my imperfections, I make mistakes and will continue to make mistakes,, however; I do hold my self accountable and will work on constantly learning and not repeating and handling the consequences of my decisions 
  • When something is painful or heavy it doesn’t mean it’s bad,, the sculptor uses his painful tools to smooth out a beautiful statue 
  • I trust God more than I trust in myself and that has set me free, I trust in his creation of my body and its capabilities and in taking care of every detail of my life for this baby.

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  • I will take the beauty that my parents showed me and discard the mistakes,, I will break the cycle 
  • We don’t know our strengths until they’re put under the test
  • You will do whatever you want to do, you will figure out a way by just choosing to, no self-created drama no excuses 
  • This is the best thing that has ever happened to me,, and I did not choose it,, so some decisions are best not made but flowed into 
  • Sultan is the greatest soil for me, I was a seed buried into his love and his presence as an environment ensured my growth and evolution to the tree I am today which is giving the world fruit that is Salma our daughter ❤️
  • Having a child is not something you check off a list to ensure you have a fulfilling life, it’s not only about the parent, but this is also a calling from God to ensure this child, this new life, will be able to carry on building and giving and nurturing this world 
  • This journey is filled with doubt and faith and I think it’s just a mini representation of the journeys we face in life 
  • The baby does not see me, and I do not see her,, just like we don’t see God , faith is always about the unseen,, I struggled with this, I wanted to put a face, to put a name, to know the gender, to grasp any end of this mystery,, I could not handle the mystery 
  • 9 months of mystery is ended with birth, then a door of a lifetime of mystery is open 
  • Yes it is all God’s will, but it is also his will to give me a brain to use, to choose what to eat, how to sleep, and which hospital to go to 
  • Pain isn’t necessarily something we run from and protect ourselves from,, with labor pain there’s huge gain with it, ease into the pain and don’t fight it 
  • My body is the wisest part of me 
  • With every passing day I’m getting closer to meet my baby, with every passing day I’m getting closer to meet God, with every passing day I’m getting closer to see my dreams, with every passing day we grow 
  • I’m holding literally the future in my hands, Salma’s birth will mark my own birth as a mother 
  • The infant learns how to grasp objects before how to let go, funny how I am still learning how to let go 
  • The thoughts that I have like “too young”, “unprepared”, “unplanned”, “irresponsible” are man-made ideas to exert control over our existence in which we fully know that it is truly out of our hands and in the hands of the greatest planner and the knower of all; God.
  • Throughout my pregnancy, I felt lonely because the way I defined being “accompanied” is by having someone going through the exact same thing I am going through. However, pregnancy made me realize that NO ONE is going through the exact same thing as others, meaning we are all having a unique/special/one of a kind “lonesome” experience of life. And we find company in matching little similarities in our unique paths.
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    28 weeks pregnant, as cheesy as it may sound, having her has made our love solid; we leave إن شاء الله a legacy of our DNA mixtures فلسفة ١٠١
  • Relationships are not give or take, scores should not be kept, yes humans should have a symbiotic relationship but in the end, humans are mortals and so all relationships are limited 
  • Our past selves are within us, they might come out every once in a while but I trust that the future is better. Life is a series of births and deaths, I choose to see the births, to view what is gained rather than what is lost.

Things I learned during labor and delivery:

  • life is about cycles of struggle and ease رخاء و شدة / عسر و يسر … birth was no different, a contraction is when we struggle but there is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel, so during birth what kept me going was thinking “this is only a minute” and I was 100% certain I will have ease afterward يقين that God will not turn his back on me and suddenly make it alllllll struggle or alllll ease … it’s a divine law that even after birth I witnessed with my daughter; there were moments of crying but later there were moments of pure peace and sleep ❤️
  • I need to “labor” to achieve my goal, I need to work/walk/eat/drink to help my baby leave 
  • I had to work with my body and work with my baby, delivery cannot be forced everything takes time. Nature is in no rush 
  • Lean into the support, create the environment that will help you reach your goal.

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We welcomed our baby girl, Salma Almusallam, on the very last day of 2018.

Welcome to the planet Salma, welcome to life here on earth, we hope you like it here.

الحمد لله الذي تتم بنعمته الصالحات

الحمد لله عدد ما كان و عدد ما يكون و عدد الحركات و السكون

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